I was maybe 10 years old at the time and at the doctor’s office for whatever reason. Probably to get my head examined. My mother probably realized there was something wrong with me at a young age. I still haven’t grown out of it, so apparently the doctor didn’t help. No…I was there to actually have blood drawn. I’m sane. I swear. Most days.
While sitting in the waiting room, I was quite bored, like most little people at the age of 10 are with life. The waiting room was packed. I mean, there was nowhere for anyone else to sit, which is why when the next lady who entered the office made me wonder, “Where is she gonna sit?” Brilliant, huh?
The lady goes up to the slide window to check in for her appointment and while waiting for the nurse, the next three things happened in succession:
1. Lady coughed;
2. Lady farted;
3. Lady squeezed her butt cheeks
This lady squeezed her butt cheeks so tight that it swallowed her pants. You’re welcome for that visual!
Now, even though I was so young at the time, I was at least somewhat wise enough to know that I couldn’t look at my mother without bursting out laughing. Anything to do with farts is funny to a 10-year old. Hell, they’re still funny to a 42 year-old. Instead, I looked at my mom from the corner of my eye as she reached for a magazine. Smart, I thought. But when I turned my head to pretend to read the magazine with her (trying to ignore the situation in the waiting room), I had noticed that the magazine was UPSIDE DOWN. My mom kept perusing as if nothing was out of the ordinary, flipping over page after page. I looked over my shoulder, and other patients wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. Smart, I thought.
Just in time, the nurse appeared and called my name. Thank goodness, I sighed. Mom practically threw the magazine and ran through the door pulling me behind her.
In the room, the nurse takes my vital signs and assures us that the doctor will be with us shortly. Five, maybe ten minutes pass, before I eke out, “Mooooooooom?”
That was all it took. We couldn’t stop laughing. The doctor walked in, looked at his feet and up to his shirt (making sure there was nothing wrong with what he was wearing) and said, “Okay, what’s so funny?”
I mean, seriously, how to you explain something like that to a Board Certified Professional without sounding crude? The answer: we didn’t. We couldn’t even get the words out without laughing hysterically.